I'm sitting here thinking of what to write and I can't even. So much has changed. My life is completely different from what it was a month ago, let alone since the last time I have written something on this blog. But I guess that is to be expected from taking over 2 years off of trying to write. 

Road trip

Sitting in the car not a care in the world. The wind is blowing, swirling all around me tugging at my hair and face. I look out the window but all I can see is country side filled with rows and rows of feild and old houses that have chipped paint coming of the sides. The houses are all differnt colors and sizes. Theres almost no one on the road. Ahead of us someone tows a boat with a pick up truck but besides them the road is empty. It's so beautiful out the sky is a perfect shade of blue and the grass is so green, the sun is licking at my face and I can feel its heat on my skin warm and soft. Everyone is taking a nap everyone but me. The music is blasting in my ears and for the first time in a long time I feel free.

I can't remeber why I had my hand on my face
but i remeber i was having fun.

If you could start over, would you? Some people would love to start over and others are happy just the way that thier lives are. Sometimes I look back and think to myself I wish I could be that free spirited girl who didn't care what anybody thought of her. I wish... see thats the probalem with life you grow up thinking that things are supposed to be this way and you have to act like this because everyone else does. But the truth is everyone is their own person. Everyone is beautiful. You just have stop and look inside youself and think is this who I really wanna be? Forever? For the rest of my life? The answer is simple really and its staring you right in the face. We were all made to be different. We were all made to be ourselves. God made each of us in the imagine of him. If we wanted to make us like everyone else we would have but he didn't. So why do we try to act like everyone esle? So why do we try and starve ourselves to be this perfect person ? Why are we so judgemental when it comes to people? Why are we preteding like we are perfect when really we are just as bad and mean as everyone else? Well I'll tell you why because society has made us this way, has twisted everything we once thought was beautiful and true into something so horrible it makes me sick sometimes just to think about it. They have put this image in our heads that we have to be PERFECT. We have to be skinny or we are fat. We have to be mean and  be a bitch to get what we want. We have to put makeup on globes of it so we can be hot otherwise we are ugly. We have to be tan or we are white. We have to have good abs or a good looking butt or we are not sexy. But none of that is even true. We don't need any of these things to be beautiful because we already are. Before I even knew what makeup and cute clothes were I thought I was the cutest girl. I thought that my big baggy sweatshirt with tight black pants was adorible and I thought that my bull cut was really cute and that my face was perfect.

I miss this when I didn't care what anyone thought.
And I could just be a kid.

 But then all of a sudden I started getting older and I saw magazines with tan girls who wore lots of makeup on and I though that they were naturally pretty and then I started to want to be like those girls on covers. I started to want a boyfriend I started asking for makeup because I had to be like those girls... I had to be perfect. I know now that I was completly wrong about everything about those girls about society. I should have never changed, I should have never started to lie and act mean. Just watch this video and you will see society is sick those girls were just normal people but then they edited them and made them fake.
http://youtu.be/iYhCn0jf46U






I wish that I could go back and take everything back everything I thought was real. They are just fake so the next time you see some girl on a cover of a magazine don't try and be like her because trust me you will just be wasting your time. wasting your life trying to be like everyone else. trying to be prefect like society wants us to be but you see even society had their secerts and even they are not perfect. I am not saying that all people are fake and just because they wear makeup or are skinny. I am saying don't get caught up in all the drama of life, don't get stuck in the same cyle of trying to be like everyone else because it is pointless. you are you and you shoulden't let anyone change that. You shoulden't have to change for other people you should be yourself and if they dont like who you really are then thats their loss. jealousy is one of the most powerful things it can make people do crazy things like be annerexic or put so much make up on that by the time your done they don't even now who you are anymore. Lately I have started to realize how fake people are and how they act different around every group they are in. I have reaized that you can be who you are and you dont have to wear makeup all the time and you dont have to be 100 pounds. I have realized that I have changed and I am done with all the "drama" of life. I am trying not to care what people think about me. If you hate me then you hate me if you love me then you love me. I don't wanna be fake anyone in fact I am tired of being fake I want color I wanna be real. I don't need to wear to be pretty because I realized that I was beautiful sense the day I was born. I just needed to find my way. Life is to short to worry about how skinny or hot or how much you eat because when your life is over it will not matter. The only thing that will matter is if you love. Life is beautiful if you woud just look around and soak it all up and let it all in.

no makeup here.. It was summer and I was in califormia with
my friend and family  living life up and I didn't care
what I looked like.

I sometimes look at this picture and think how redicous I look
And even though I dont like it that much i cant seem to
delete it because its me.. I am actaully being myself and actaully
carefee not a worry in the world at this moment in time.

I am not wearing any makeup in this picture... and I dont care becuase
I know I dont have to wear makeup to be pretty.

My family is drving me crazy, I just cant stand them sometimes. They are always fighting espically my parents and my older sister, and it makes me so mad because its over the most stupidest things and of course they always have to be right even when there wrong. so when they fight I just put in my head phones and turn the music all the way up so I drowned ou their voices but i know that they are taring at eachother every time they fight they just push at each other to see how far they can go until they snap. Today started out like anyother got up went to church  came home and then went shopping for my moms birthday present because her birthday is coming up soon. The whole tme well we were shoppoing my older sister was like "you guys get mom a present". "I shoulden't have to tell you to get her one you should just already now that".  My little sister showed me all these things that she thought my om would like so she went and showed my dad but as soon as my older sister saw she would say" I already looked at that for her or i got something like that for her last year." I felt so horrible for my sister sister because my older sister was just nagging at her and pulling at her the whole time. So finally, I just said to her stop it, your being so rude and such a ____ but then before the word slipped out I alked away, but in my head I said it. When we got home she was even for mad because she had to leave to go somewhere and my mom wasen't home yet and so she was like asking my dad where she was and he kept saying I dont know. Sometimes I just wish that I lived somewhere else and that I could just leave and get away from everyone that makes me so mad and just slip away to a world where everything was perfect, but you see things like that here cant ever happen so instead of going and slipping into my own little world. I go and listen to music whrn my parents start fighting and wish they would just stop it and get over it build a bridge and move on. Today was one of those days that I just wanted to dirve away and not come back for a very long time, but of course I cant because I dont  have my liscience yet. There are so many moments when you Just want to run away from your fear or pain and just hide, but I've found out that hidding is not going to so anything. The only way to make things better is by going and facing them head on and then and only then will things start to get better. Things might have to get worse before they can get better but they will get better.

The cold air blowing on your face, the feeling like your alone. The snow is so fluffy and the lights so bright. Life can be bard and it can be good too. Life is what is, and only you can change it. Don't throw your life away by waiting for something that's never going to happen. Go out there and make the best of your life.

Fall

Leaves on the ground, lots and lots of candy from Halloween, Colors are just starting to change. Sweatshirts and sweatpants are what you wear. Freezing your butt off at football games gloves and hats, So cold you can't feel your figures. Jumping in the leaves like when you were little,carving out your pumpkin. The smell of great baked cookies and apple pie. Getting together with family and eating a huge delousious dinner for thanksgiving. Getting up at 4:00 in the morning on black Friday just to go shopping. This is the fun of fall.

High school

Its only the first week and I already have to present 3 projects.. Which let me tell you I suck at doing. Standing infront of the class and talking is not my cup of tea, I get all nervous and forget what I'm going to say and my face gets really red too. But I guess I just have to get over that fear sonetime, and hopefully that sonetime is soon.

Math Is nit hard so far but that's just because it's only the first week,,I'm not the best at math by any means.

In us history we are learning about like these people who where alive when the ice age was and that had different grows all over the world and they came here my boat and island to island and by aomething else but I forgot. Anyways I totally do not believe in that at all and that is what is coming up on the test next week and it's hard for me to learn about something when the whole time in the back of my head I'm saying but I don't believe in that.

I have jewelry class, it's SO much fun but so hard! I'm making a bracelet and the wiring for the bracelet is silver and I'm also making a ring in thaT class but we havent started that yet

One of my teachers says that everything we will learn in his class we will use and we will not just " memorize stuff we will learn it he doesent want to see how much we can memorize . He wants to see how much we acaully know. Bill gates said in his 1 way of life, said "life is not far so get used to it."